Music Lyrics/Hoedown/US
This is the Whoserpedia's page for Hoedown lyrics, covering the entire American series. 100th Show with Laura Hall at the piano Wayne Brady: A hundred episodes of "Whose Line". Lord, it changed my life. It gave me financial security for myself and my wife. So thank you, ABC and Warner Brothers, you're my friend 'Cause if it wasn't for Whose Line, I'd be on UPN. Drew Carey: Well, today, it was our hundredth show. It's been really fun. Great, doncha know? Let me just tell you something, even though it's been a blast. All you folks who've been watching "Friends", you can kiss my ass. Colin Mochrie: A hundred episodes of "Whose Line", where our name's being called. A hundred shows of them saying that I'm bald. Does it hurt the friendship? Can it stand the test? Yes it can, 'cause I'm hung the best. Ryan Stiles: Colin says he's hung the best. That I just can't see. I've known him for a long time and it cannot be. He says he's got a big penis, but that's not a lock 'Cause I have to tell you right now, mine's tucked in my sock. All: Mine's tucked in my sock! Affair with Laura Hall at the piano Wayne Brady: I'm having an affair, stepping out on my spouse. Late nights calls and running from my house. This affair has got me. Its hold on me is mighty. No, it isn't with a woman. My affair is with Righty. Drew Carey: Well, I'm single so you may ask "How can I cheat?" Well, I have a method and that method can't be beat. What I've discovered is an affair to remember. I'm thinking about Miss June while I'm looking at Miss November. Colin Mochrie: I feel so horrible. I cheated on my wife. I haven't felt this bad in my entire life. They affair happened at the restaurant where I waitered. The best part was the affair was catered. Chip Esten: My wife caught me with a prostitute. She came into the room and she began to shoot. And then she went and yelled all around the town. I know there's more prostitutes. I guess that's one ho down. All: I guess that's one ho down! Astronaut Bachelor Party Backstreet Boys Bad Neighbor Beach (1) Beach (2) Birth (1) Birth (2) Blind Date (1) Blind Date (2) Blind Date (3) Body Odor Cable Company Car Salesman Cheated on the Wife Cheese with Laura Hall at the piano Wayne Brady: When it comes to improv, on the top, we sits. In fact, I feel just like an unopened box of Ritz. I hate making jokes like this, even though I'm blacker. But if we're talking about this, I'm the cheese and they're the crackers. Colin Mochrie: I love eating cheese. I love it all day long. If you eat your cheese, you can never go wrong. I get Ryan to act with me. Yes, it does please. 'Cause, I always like to have a little ham with my cheese. Ryan Stiles: Where does cheese come from? From a cow. Ooh! Moo! I like cheese, and Colin does too. When he eats too much, he gets a little sick. And with that last remark, Colin, you can suck my dick. Brad Sherwood: Gouda, swiss, and monterey, and some camembert. These are all some lovely cheeses with a lot of flair. I can't believe Ryan asked for that nasty job, But I guess it would taste better if he put cheese on his knob. All: Put cheese on his knob! Children Christmas Commercials Cop Shows Dentists and Professors Doctor (1) Doctor (2) Drinking Drunk Mother Family Reunion (1) Family Reunion (2) First Kiss Food with Laura Hall at the piano Wayne Brady: I am an omnivore. I eat anything. I eat it all because I am the king. Because it when it comes to eating down, beggers can't be choosers. Because, if I ate too much, I'd be on "The Biggest Loser". Colin Mochrie: I love eating bacon. I like eating beans. I love all high fiber. The most you've ever seen. I eat fifty pounds a day. I don't get fat, don't fear. Because I've had diarrhea for fifteen years. Greg Proops: My wife's a vegetarian and she won't eat no meat. And though she won't eat it, I still think she's so sweet. When we go to dinner, and come home and go to bed, She will never eat me, so I eat myself instead. Jeff Davis: Well, I like eating roadkill, because I'm a country boy. I see a critter on the road. It brings me so much joy. Hell, I am sure glad that I live by a dam. Lately, I've been eating all the beaver that I can. All: Beaver that I can! Gambling Gameshow Hosts Getting Your Pizza Late Going Bald Got Arrested (1) Got Arrested (2) Halloween Hockey Player Internal Revenue Service Magicians Men Midterms Movie Ushers Moving Plastic Surgery (1) Plastic Surgery (2) Plastic Surgery (3) Playboy Photographers Police Officer Pregnancy Tests Probation Officer Puberty Rock Star (1) Rock Star (2) Ryan's Wife Scary Wife Shoplifting Skydiving Snoring Speeding Ticket Superman Surgery Talk Shows Television Tourists and Kids at the Cinema Vending Machines Village People Weddings Weight Winning the Lottery (1) Winning the Lottery (2) Working Out Wrestler You're Ugly Zoo Melissa Cop Shows Censorship Traffic Bloopers Halloween Mosquito Bites Commercials Greg Proops: Oh, I'm an advertiser and I'm a groovy guy. I sit around thinking of stuff that you can buy. Lots of stuff you don't need. That will buy...Fuck me. Drew Carey: We had some dead guys calling in about your language, so we can't use that. Greg Proops: Some dead, narcoleptic, cross-dressing cirucs freaks. ATM Machines Brad Sherwood: I was feeling frisky. I went for a drive. I took all my handguns and shot myself alive. Ah... Wayne Brady: I consider myself quite a fugal frella. But sometimes... shut up. Keep it going! Colin Mochrie: I went to the machine to take out some money And then I noticed there was something funny. As I came closer, my heart, boy it sank. It was an ATM machine for a sperm bank. Internal Revenue Service Ryan Stiles I don't file my taxes every single year. I guess it's the IRS I really really fear. I guess that's bad of me. Doesn't show a lot of class. But every time I do, they seem to fuck me up the ass. All: Fuck me up the ass! Valet Parking Greg Proops Well, I'm a valet parker. This is my valet vest. When you give me your car, I'll treat it the best. I will drive a thousand miles an hour around the block And you'll be got... motherfucking shit. Vending Machines Birth Puberty Public Restrooms Drew Carey: And then I took a shit. Then I took a shiiiiiiiiit. Brad Sherwood: Explosive diarrhea. Drew Carey: Explosive dia... Drew and Brad: ...rheeaaaaa! Drew Carey: Blowjob from the janitor. Blowjob from the janitoooooooorrrr. Graduation Ryan Stiles I graduated high school today. Oh fuck. Job Interview Drew Carey I had an inter-- Oh shit. Blind Date Colin Mochrie I had a blind date. It really was quite fab. It was my first one, for I'm Captain Ahab. You have this date. There were many highs and lows. She really hated it when I shouted "Thar she blows!". Yardwork Denny Siegel Well, I miss the '60s. I miss them quite a lot. I sit around, listening to music. It was really hot. I do a lot of yardwork. That's what comes to pass, 'Cause it's the cheap way to get my hands on grass! Ryan Stiles: While I was shootin' "H"! Drew Carey: Because I love cocaine. Because I love cocaaaaaaaaiine. (laughs) I do a lot of yardwork because I love cocaine! Losing Your Virginity Bad Restaurant Service Surgery Greg Proops I have had a transplant. It did not go- Oh shit. Going Bald Ryan Stiles When it comes to hoedowns, I'm doing another one. After the first one, I thought that I was done. I feel like such a fool and I feel like such a twit. This is what I have to do to please the fucking Brit. All: Please the fucking Brit! Food